Service and 12 step #1

Last week was step 12, service. Serving others will help one loose themselves. I am not ready for this step. I am not ready to serve my husband, give him service without wanting anything in return, without an expected outcome. I work in the health care industry, and I am able to give my patients care, empathy, service, help through changing life circumstances, etc. Why can't I give that at home? To those that it matters the most? Leo and I were discussing that conundrum on the way home from support group. I think that I am able to do that because there are no "stings attached" with my patients. I can help them with the things that they need, and that is it, I don't see them again, my relationship with them is over. I know that they won't hurt me, or take undue advantage of me, I know that our relationship is temporary, and I can give freely of myself without the fear of being hurt. I can't do that at home, with Leo at least. I live in constant fear that he will hurt me, yet again, so I don't give freely of myself. I WANT to be able to serve him, I WANT to be able to give him the care and love that I am able to give my patients. I am not ready, so I am grateful to start at the beginning of the steps. I hope that I can find healing and be able to move forward with my life through this amazing 12 step program. I admitting that I have a problem, and that my life has become unmanageable, and I can't do this myself. Here goes nuthin :)