I am always wondering. Wondering where my dear, sweet, husband's thoughts are. Are they thinking of me, of our children, of our life together? When we make love, is he a full participant, or is his mind plagued by visions and thoughts of the imaginary? Sex is a gift. It is such an amazing experience, it really is. It is good for the brain, good for the body, good for a marriage, it is sweet and tender or passionate and energizing. I am grateful to have that closeness that comes from righteous love. I am *trying* to let this addiction go, it is not mine, I don't own it, and I don't have to. I love my husband and am blessed to have him in my life. He is not his addiction. He is so much more. I have asked and pleaded with Heavenly Father to help me see Leo as he does. I want to heal and be happy and feel joy in my life.
Many months ago, I was in the Temple and had a very distinct answer to my prayers. It was just one word, "spring". At the time, I thought that it meant one thing, but as it turns out, it was NOT what I thought it meant. Then, I thought it meant something else, but it has since become apparent that it was also NOT that. Not a place, nor a time. What else can it mean? Could it be a verb? I am letting go, letting go of my perceived answers and letting God. This is my prayer, that I can spring forth and do/be what God wants me to be. Salvation is an individual thing, as much as I want to "save" Leo, only he can do that. To my readers/followers, other wives struggling with the addiction of a loved one, I hope that we can all find peace in the Lord.
