Monday, March 9, 2009
Still pluggin on
I was watching a talk on TV about repentance, and an analogy that was use was about a plant. Sometimes we want repentance to be an event, but it is a process, like plants. The speaker told a story about his son who was in Pre-School, they planted a bean in class that day, so the boy brought home the cup of dirt, placed it in a window with lots of light, and went to bed that night. In the morning, the boy came down to look at the plant, and in exasperation, said, "nothing is happening". Now, we all know that something indeed was happening under the ground. Repentance is like watching grass grow, if we just sit an watch, the change in imperceptible, but with patience, we see the change it goes through over time. Leo is having a change of heart, slowly, and I can see little inkling of change, but he has a long way to go. I on the other hand and having a very hard time still. Depression is sucky! I can blame him all I want, but I need the lord just as much as Leo does at this point in my life. I am hoping and praying that I can use the atonement of the Savior for my own hurts as well, and that I can heal, slowly like growing grass.
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3 comments:
I found your blog through another. I saw a comment you left there. Hope that's ok.
I really appreciated your "growing grass" analogy. Thanks for sharing!
Often God allows a slowness to our victory over the flesh because he is working out of us an even deeper issue than what we notice on the surface: our self-reliance and pride. I remember in the midst of my addiction I felt as if I was in the wilderness, no momentum, no help. All I wanted to do was be free from my habitual sin. This was a good longing, but God showed me that I was making a god out of "recovery." He replaced this goal with a much bigger vision to see Him glorified amidst my victory over sin. Praise God!
Here is a blog post you and your husband might enjoy.
http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/2008/12/09/breaking-the-cycle-of-porn-addiction/
I started with your most recent blog, then went to the beginning. You might not want to hear from me, I am a woman recover(ed) from s~x addiction in my marriage! I wanted my divorce! Anyway, I am going back over recovery because I recently got my new current temple recommend after ten years. It kind of threw me into a panic tho I have looked forward to this for a long, long, long time. I dont read much about the "acting out" as you wrote in your latest blog. I acted out, in adultery. Its been confusing for me, but the spirit of what I want to say (all these things in mind) is my repentance has been to turn to the Lord. I want to remarry, but I am learning a relationship directly with the Lord, first. Maybe ever. Freedom of any kind only comes with holding Jesus Christ first in my heart. The rest is going to have to work thru that!! PS: my daughter who was brought up LDS is currently a stripper (for about 7years now since she turned 18). My ex and I were not brought up LDS, we are converts (nice excuse huh) --I just would not want to put any stain on the Church I love so much, the restored church with Whom I have taken all my admission of sin and worked recovery. I have a lot of "loved ones" who are involved in this porn world, and along with being a sinner myself, I am confused because of the ppl who were/are involved in its world along with me. I am working out how "others" (as you mention working Step 12) deserve to be freed and treated as valuable in the sight of God.
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