Emotions

So many emotions, I don't even know where to start. Mostly I feel anger. Angry that I have to deal with this, that this is my "lot in life" I suppose. Angry that he can't freaking get over it and move on. Angry that our family is suffering because of this crap. Sad. Sad that Leo has to deal with this over and over, to feel that things are hopeless, to see that there is no light in his eyes. Fearful. fearful that this will just go on forever, that I may loose the love of my life to addiction. I visited with the Bishop not long ago, and he asked me if I thought Leo was sincere in his efforts of repentance. How am I to know? Leo is great at the confessing part, he has no problem doing that, it is the forsaking where the problem lies and only time will tell if "this time" is different. Bishop has given Leo a specific assignment to do on a daily basis, an "easy" assignment. Study the scriptures 15 minutes every day on a certain subject. The Atonement was one assignment, and the next was Virtue. Has Leo done his assignments? On his own, no. But with reminding he does it. WHY WHY WHY do I have to be a hand holder? Leo feels no sense of responsibility for this. Why can't he just do it? He claims that he "forgets" that he is just too busy to remember that he has things to do, that he committed to do something. Yes, I know he feels overwhelmed, that he feels like he can't do one more thing without breaking, but crap, "forgetting"? Whatever. Does one forget that they have to brush their teeth before going to bed? Or that they should use the restroom when they get out of bed in the morning? It's a load of crap and I don't buy it. I feel like he is being lazy and irresponsible.